The 30 worst things to say on a first date:

(in 3 parts)

10) So let me get this straight, yes means yes, and no means tie you up, right?

9) Know anywhere to hide a body?

8) You can come back to my place once my parents go to sleep.

7) All the voices in my head agree you look beautiful.

6) Hey, you know that funny noise your sister makes when she has an orgasm?

5) Baby, you look so good I'd bang you in front of my wife's attorney.

4) No need to buy any popcorn, I snuck this whole bucket of chicken fat into the movies so we could eat for free.

3) So which movie do you want to see? "Lord of the Rings?" I heard that was good! I'll be watching "Blackhawk Down". I'll meet you in the lobby when it's over.

2) I can't believe the car broke down. Could you walk to a service station and call a cab?

1) Do you want to get Mexican food? Tom likes Mexican food. Mexican food makes Tom fart. Why are you looking at Tom that way?

10) You look so good you make me want to get a job.

9) If we're stopped by the cops this is your brother's car and you don't know what's in the trunk!

8) There's 3 words I want to tell you...."You're Too Fat."

7) Remember when the stripper comes over I do the tipping.

6) Wow, you kiss like my sister.

5) My wife doesn't mind that I have boyfriends. They usually babysit the kids when I take her out.

4) You remind me of my uncle who raped me when I was 15. But I really kind of teased him and seduced him into it. I ended up enjoying it. Is that strange?

3) The ladies don't call me "smooth" for nuthin...

2) I usually date attractive girls, but I've decided I really should be with someone more like you.

1) Let's cut to the chase baby.. how much?

10) That was your sister? She has really big ta-ta's for a 14 year old.

9) This has been the most stimulating 15 minutes of conversation I've ever had. What are you doing for the rest of your life baby?

8) It's a real miracle drug. I couldn't control my herpes without it.

7) I'm so glad you agreed to go out with me. I just started using Viagra and I've been wanting to see how well it works...

6) I asked you out because you look so much like my last girlfriend. I still think about her all the time and being with you is almost as good as being with her.

5) I'm glad we're going out. I got 8 kids at home that need a new mama.

4) Man your friend looked incredible! Can I have her number just in case things don't work out tonight?

3) A lot of people think Scientology is a cult but that's not true. In fact, I want you to come to a meeting with me tomorrow to prove it. No I insist, you will come to the meeting tomorrow! You don't want the Thetans to eat your soul do you?

2) When you date as many prostitutes, strippers, and junkies as I do it's nice to finally be going out with a classy woman like you!

1) That Big Mac and fries cost $5.24. That means when we go to my place later you owe me $5.24 worth of poontang.